OK, remember a week or so ago when I was totally pumped about my daily accomplishments? I think I said something about it being "mighty good" to be a woman. I still hold to that belief. I'm also still riding that invisible thrill ride that IS femininity. Guess it started unraveling a couple of days ago. I left the height of the swing and started the stomach-dropping descent in the other direction. First, an illogical emotional breakdown resulting in an unneccessary and unfortunate "discussion" with my lover (who amazingly still loves me!). Then comes the aching exhaustion, tight knot of apprehension, and the crushing feeling that I'm totally swimming upstream in serious danger of drowning in everything I have to do. Last week, it was exhilarating accomplishment. This week, it's forced and frustrating.
I've never been one for roller coasters. I prefer something that spins, myself. The heights and drops of roller coasters just don't interest me. Yet, I live in heights and plummets that would rival the most daunting thrill ride. Thank God, my man is a thrill-seeker who can literally stomach any roller coaster, and evidently he's pretty good at emotional ones too.
Here's my question... One would think, as many times as I've gone on this ride, that I'd know what was coming. Yet almost every time, I screw up royally by hurting someone else before I realize, Oh! I'm on the downswing! Dang! I missed it again!! If only I could have seen it coming and remembered to acknowledge it to myself. Then, I'd be prepared for it and I could at least warn someone before I spew on them, if not keep myself from spewing altogether, knowing that the swirl of emotions is just part of the swing, and I need to take some extra time to sort through what I feel before I give it clearance to come out. But, no, I wait until post-mental-breakdown to realize that most of it is just an emotional surge that will pass.
Ah well... I guess what we have here is proof of how desperately I need the mercy God extends to me... and the mercy my loved ones dole out too! One of these days, I'm gonna learn to throw up my hands and find the thrill in this crazy coaster. In the meantime, maybe I better start marking my calendar...
In other news, I had a "What in the name?" moment ("what in the name?" is Levi's newest favorite expression): Today, my daughter is home from school, so I've seen a bit more morning TV than normal. OK, there's a new barbie out. She has a DOG. It gets worse. Someone is actually SELLING a Barbie dog that POOPS!! Tell me, what is marketable about this? The plastic toy doggie poops out little brown tic-tac looking things and the kids can play Barbie scoops up the dog poo and puts it in the can!!! I'm minding my own business, and just happen to look up at the TV in time to see this plastic dog do it's business while two happy little kids help Barbie scoop it up.
There is one good thing about this obnoxious toy. At least it portrays Barbie living real life! Doing something mundane and normal, albeit disgusting, instead of simply going to the mall, to the pool, to a party, and back to the mall. I have to wonder, though. Are they de-glamorizing Barbie? Or are they really thinking that poop scooping can be glitzed up as an enjoyable part of the Barbie lifestyle? Confusing though it may be, it brought a chuckle to my face! Maybe they should come out with "Toilet cleaning Barbie" or "Fold the laundry Barbie" I'd BUY those!!
-Becky
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