Sunday, April 25, 2010


Just for fun, and because I can't sleep...

Lately I've noticed a rash of ridiculous signs. You know, papers posted up with warnings or requests of various kinds. They make me laugh.

In a French quarter jewelry store: "PLEASE DO NOT TRY ON THE TOE RINGS."

Just picture it. Somebody walks in a jewelry store after walking around the quarter for a while. Probably wearing sandals. They spot a toe ring. "Mmmmm.... I like this. Wonder if it'll look good on me." Then they proceed to try to balance on one foot while they figure out which toe...

In a beauty salon restroom: "PLEASE DO NOT SLAM THE TOILET SEAT DOWN."

OK... most of the clientele in salons are women. Have they been lifting the seat? Is this sign for the men? Who is disturbed by the seat slamming? Is there a certain individual seat slammer, and the sign has been posted as if seat slamming were a chronic problem, but in reality is a way to get across a message without directly confronting the habitual slammer? I must admit, it's a conversation I'd dread. "Hey, listen... can you do something about the toilet seat? I mean the way you slam it down... it just really... I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything... just could you please not slam it down? I mean, the slamming noise... it's so... slammy."

On a potted plant outside a place of business on Carrollton: "PLEASE DO NOT SIT ON PLANTS."

Wouldn't your butt get dirty from the potting soil? Wouldn't you be afraid of squishing the leaves? Are there plant sitters out there just waiting for me to put a potted plant out? Is my hydrangea in danger out there in front of the house?

I have to wonder... are these signs effective? Has there been a drastic reduction in toe ring fittings, toilet seat slamming, and plant sitting? I mean, if they work, then why am I not using signs?? If horrible behaviors such as plant sitting could be stopped, just think what misery I could end by posting a sign.


or how about


or maybe


OH! Here's one:


A girl can dream, can't she?? :) Anyway, the sign idea and it's absurdity has been a fun source of entertainment for my brain tonight. I really, really should be sleeping. Here's one more sign:

"SHHHHH!! Mommy sleeping!! DO NOT DISTURB!"

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

At Least Milk

Motherhood certainly has its um... adventurous moments. Tonight I had just such a moment at band rehearsal. Riverside Church, where I play keys, has a sweet new music director. He started just a week or so after Caleb was born. This evening he and I were having a conversation regarding a song for Sunday. I was sitting there calmly discussing a nuance of the music when...

My milk let down.

EVERY mother who has ever nursed a baby just cracked up. And I'm not even to the good part yet. For everyone who has NOT nursed a baby, the "let down" is a reflex in a nursing mother's body that causes milk to be pretty much forced out. It usually happens when the baby is nursing, but sometimes can be triggered by other things, like too much time away from the baby, a thought of the baby or another crying baby. It's a very cool thing God built into a female in order to ensure proper nourishment for her infants. It is not, however, all that cool to experience letdown when one is not nursing, but is in conversation with a new music director, or any other person for that matter.

So the milk let down without warning, and suddenly, midsentence, I feel the drips. That's right. Drips. I look down and sure enough, white drops were coming through my shirt and splashing onto my lap. It looked as if... well... as if there was milk coming out of me, dripping through my shirt and onto my lap. It didn't help to have a black shirt on, which effectively highlighted the white substance dripping off of me.

Uh... WHAT do you say at a time like this??? Do I excuse myself? Do I attempt to make an explanation? Do we both sit there and act like nothing's happening?

I managed a "Oops, I'm dripping. Sorry." and quickly crossed my arms, hoping to slow the flow if you know what I mean. I have no clue if new music guy caught what I said or even noticed what happened. Part of me dares to dream he didn't notice. Part of me knows he probably did and is probably embarrassed to pieces. I mean, I really don't know this guy too well. He seems like an easygoing sort, so hopefully he wasn't too mortified. Most likely he'll snicker through the next few services and rehearsals, as will I. Nothing like gettin' to know somebody, huh??

It was one of those absurd moments in life. One of those times you never could have dreamed or made up on your own. A moment when you MUST laugh... or else cry. Perhaps a moment that makes life a little sillier and reminds me that all of us, regardless of how hard we try to be dignified, drip from time to time.

Ah well... welcome to Riverside, new music guy. May your voice be louder, your guitar strings always in tune. Bet you didn't know it was the land of milk and honey. Or well... at least milk.