SIGNS

Just for fun, and because I can't sleep...

Lately I've noticed a rash of ridiculous signs. You know, papers posted up with warnings or requests of various kinds. They make me laugh.

In a French quarter jewelry store: "PLEASE DO NOT TRY ON THE TOE RINGS."

Just picture it. Somebody walks in a jewelry store after walking around the quarter for a while. Probably wearing sandals. They spot a toe ring. "Mmmmm.... I like this. Wonder if it'll look good on me." Then they proceed to try to balance on one foot while they figure out which toe...



In a beauty salon restroom: "PLEASE DO NOT SLAM THE TOILET SEAT DOWN."

OK... most of the clientele in salons are women. Have they been lifting the seat? Is this sign for the men? Who is disturbed by the seat slamming? Is there a certain individual seat slammer, and the sign has been posted as if seat slamming were a chronic problem, but in reality is a way to get across a message without directly confronting the habitual slammer? I must admit, it's a conversation I'd dread. "Hey, listen... can you do something about the toilet seat? I mean the way you slam it down... it just really... I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything... just could you please not slam it down? I mean, the slamming noise... it's so... slammy."


On a potted plant outside a place of business on Carrollton: "PLEASE DO NOT SIT ON PLANTS."

Wouldn't your butt get dirty from the potting soil? Wouldn't you be afraid of squishing the leaves? Are there plant sitters out there just waiting for me to put a potted plant out? Is my hydrangea in danger out there in front of the house?



I have to wonder... are these signs effective? Has there been a drastic reduction in toe ring fittings, toilet seat slamming, and plant sitting? I mean, if they work, then why am I not using signs?? If horrible behaviors such as plant sitting could be stopped, just think what misery I could end by posting a sign.

"KEEP YOUR NEGATIVE OPINION TO YOURSELF"

or how about

"CHOCOLATE DONATIONS ARE ENCOURAGED"

or maybe

"RETURN THE TV REMOTE TO THE SAME PLACE EVERY TIME"

OH! Here's one:

"DOING WHAT I SAY IS REQUIRED. ADMITTING THAT I'M RIGHT IS OPTIONAL."

A girl can dream, can't she?? :) Anyway, the sign idea and it's absurdity has been a fun source of entertainment for my brain tonight. I really, really should be sleeping. Here's one more sign:

"SHHHHH!! Mommy sleeping!! DO NOT DISTURB!"