Important things (by Becky)

There's nothing like a scary experience to give one a renewed perspective on life. I of course don't know all the whys and hows of what God allows in our lives. I do know that there is purpose in each one. Sometimes I glimpse that purpose, and sometimes I trust that it is a high, holy purpose that only my God understands. (You see, His ability to grasp things far beyond my understanding is a vital part of His God-ness to me. If He were nothing more than what I can grasp, then why would I need Him?) So, why pulmonary embolisms for me? I don't know all of that, but I can tell you a little of what I'm learning...

For one thing, I've been pushing too hard. I was born yelling, with a driven... (ok, bossy) personality. Large and in charge, that's me. I thrive on accomplishment, and I see life, even the crises of life I suppose, as a challenge. Never one to avoid a challenge, I take it on with all my might. However, I must admit that even Miss Large and in Charge gets tired. Even looking back over the blogs of the last few months, I've let myself get way too worked up and stressed out.

In talking this out with my Sweet Love, I came to a conclusion. If January 7th had been my last day, having a seminary degree, a best-selling book, or a powerful speaking career would not have mattered so much. Especially because in driving myself toward all those things, I was losing my capacity to enjoy anything. What would have mattered? Savoring and nourishing the hard-won depth of love in my marriage, soaking in every smile, every moment with the two incredible children I have, doing what I'm passionate about, which is loving, teaching, and helping women embrace Christ-following and the amazing life that comes with it. That's how I want to spend my days.

The seminary degree will be done eventually, hopefully people will want to read my books, and maybe I'll get lots of chances to inspire people to check out life on the edge. These things are still on my list. I'm just going to stop pushing myself so hard that I skip right past what's important.

Hold me to it, ok?