But none of this is to say that we should bury those feelings of unfulfillment. Part of knowing yourself means paying attention to those nagging little voices inside. Mine is saying that I think I’m finally ready for my life to extend beyond where I am now. I had always thought that marriage and family would be my purpose, and I have never prepared for any other eventuality. It has turned out, though, not to be my sole purpose. I think discovering my own disappointments and unhappiness is a catalyst to turning my heart outward. My children have needed me at home for a long time. But they are no longer babies.
Because I was not prepared for this, the wide-open space in front of me is rather daunting. Were it not for the fact that I now know my family career is not the only thing out there for me, I would probably be so intimidated by the wide-open that I would hide within my little family and never venture out. Thus the good comes from the bad, I guess. I suppose that now, I just keep walking into this wide open – intrepidly forging ahead – until I happen upon something that I can pick up and understand what to do with. So, I guess I find myself in this in-between place: the safety of what I have always known is behind me. It is no longer safe and happy. The unknown is before me, frightening and disconcerting in its ambiguity. But I find that, for a person like me, there is no choice at all. I can’t turn around and hide. I have to trek out there and see what there is. I’ll send you a postcard!
<3 Christy
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