Forward...

Haven't posted in a while... Frankly I have been a little on the grouchy side with my life. Not that I don't love my life, I've just had a disappointment over the last couple of weeks that had me feeling disenchanted. Normally when it comes to poetry, I'm a rhyme girl all the way, but last night I had a three hour intro to computers class where my mind had some time to wander. My pen came flying to my hand and during the droning about drop down menus, and I scribbled this little quip in response to my feelings of late.

The heat of passion collides with reality's chill
Settling over my heart in a wishing fog
A mist of unrealized potential and unmet expectations
Swirls about me, slowing my pace.

My pulse throbs painfully, beating out my heartache
Will I perish in this cloudy spot?
My hand grasps tightly to my Companion.
He ushers me along the only way out of this desperate fog,
Slowly,
Gingerly,
Steadily,
Forward.


This is the conclusion I've come to. In the pits of life, I'm left alone. Except for Christ. He alone remains when all others fall away. He hasn't necessarily called me to a comfortable life. His call is to a life lived in abandon to Him. This means when that "wishing fog" comes down, making me pine for what I don't have and grieve deep hurts and disappointments, and clouding my view of reality, I have only one option. That option is to hold to Christ and keep moving ahead, knowing that eventually we will reach the other side of the fog and I will once again be able to see the view along our journey. I have to wonder how much time I may have wasted in similar fogs because I gave in to the despair and just sat down instead of clinging to Jesus and continuing to move forward, even if the steps are slow and painful.

I've decided that forward is the only way to go. And I'll not wait for the wishing to go away before I begin to move again. Christ and I will move ahead, at first in the midst of the wishing fog, but eventually it will clear, and I'll be happy for the ground we covered.

Thanks to Christy for some deep and painful conversations where our term "wishing fog" was born.

Ever Forward,
Becky