Losing Myself: Part 1

I was watching the Today show this week, and they interviewed a woman who had written an editorial about how motherhood is boring. This was so interesting to me, as I have been pondering this very phenomenon myself! I think there are lots of women out there who feel the same way – unfulfilled, bored, tired of life-as-they-know-it. It is apparently, however, a very controversial thing to talk about publicly!
One of my passions is, well, passion. I love to find the bliss in life! I love to be around people who are living their bliss! I have fought hard to keep my sense of childlike wonder and joy. But lately, I’ve been feeling unfulfilled, bored, tired of life-as-I-know-it. So, I got to thinking about it. Why is this a common issue anyway?
I know so many little girls who are just magical. They know who they are and they know what makes them happy! When do we lose this? I think we lose it slowly, over our lifetime. The wounds we receive, even as small children begin to slowly rob us of confidence. Without confidence, we are never free to enjoy ourselves. And as we grow, we shut little parts of our selves away, quietly, and before we know what has happened, we have lost our selves completely. A lot of women realize this after they have become mothers. Sometimes I think that adding a husband and kids is just the final nail in that coffin.
We tend to view a “good mother” as one who serves constantly – does laundry, cooks, cleans, sings silly songs, reads Dr. Seuss books, you get the idea. Now, all of these are necessary tasks, but they are merely part of a job – they are not the definition of who we are. I think we lose our sense of self when we begin to define ourselves by a role that we are fulfilling. With all of this denial of one’s self, it certainly makes sense that a mother might feel bored and lost to the task. We get so caught up in trying to perform this role that we forget who we are.
But you don’t get a second chance. The years that you spend with your children shouldn’t be lost, boring years. I think good mothers should also know how to enjoy a long bath, how to find profound pleasure in the onset of a storm, how to savor some really good chocolate. Indulging in the things that bring you joy restores your heart and your confidence!
I don’t think it takes a five-step program or a lot of work, either. What makes you deeply, profoundly happy? Chances are, they are probably simple things. If you are missing them in your life, it’s only because you aren’t looking for them. All of the things I mentioned above bring me bliss. So do dancing, giant cups of coffee, and baking. Most of these things don’t take much time, I just have to take a deep breath when they come my way, and let them sink deep into my soul – you know, really enjoy them. And, I have to know what those things are so that I recognize them when they do come my way. Then, if I need an extra boost (and I usually do), I sit down at the end of my day, and remember the things that brought me deep joy. Sometimes I write them down. That way, I can linger over them even longer.
(to be continued.....)
<3 Christy