Mad Ravings

Wanna know what pisses me off? (I'm sure you don't, but I'm sure I'm gonna tell you anyway.) Being a ministers wife. Now, don't get me wrong. It's not the ministry I can't stand, and it's certainly not the minister. (He's actually a pretty sexy guy :) Here's the problem: Watching someone I love more than life live every day in a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. Imagine having a couple hundred people feel they have the right to tell you how, when, where, and what to do on your job. Maybe this could work if they were clones, but unfortunately they don't agree very often. This means you have a few hundred DIFFERENT opinions about your job performance. You pray too long, and someone doesn't like it. You skip the prayer and someone doesn't like it.

Know what pisses me off even more? That I get dragged into this kind of distraction. Why do I let this get to me? Who and what are we working for? Certainly, our goal has never been to achieve the perfect prayer-time duration. People pleasing is not even on the radar. No! It's to point to someone GREATER.... JESUS!!! There's nothing I'd rather do than be who I am, where I am right now. Some days it just feels like swimmin upstream, with a few piranhas nippin' at our toes.

Bottom line is this... It hurts to love when you don't get love back. I can't help being reminded that this was the story of my Jesus' life. He knew too well what it felt like to love people who didn't return that love. Whether they didn't want to or just weren't capable, either way He got the short end of the stick. What other response is there to this, other than "Ok, Lord, I'll do it too!" Especially considering the fact that when He lay down His life for me, I was still one of those people who didn't love Him back.

I love Jesus because He first loved me. He was the One willing to be first... to love though it cost Him everything. THIS is why I love Him. THIS is why His way is the only way for me, and yes, THIS is why I chose the ministry and why I let it consume my entire life. It has nothing to do with whether I get loved back or not. It has everything to do with letting myself be overtaken by Someone who DOES love me, more than I can imagine.

OK, so thanks for "listening." I believe I've "talked" myself right back into being completely ok with this after all. And given you a little glimpse into my twisted world to boot! So now you know... in case you ever doubted, that I'm SORELY inadequate to do what God has called me to do. I'm just not that nice. But, I suppose if He IS love, then Christ in me can love whomever needs love...regardless of the rate of return. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Becky