Grace Giver

OK, Brain chaos is subsiding. Something has occurred to me. I LOVE MY LIFE. And if you have been reading this blog, no I haven't lost my mind. In the middle of all this, pain and grief and yucky stuff, I am so blessed. I get to be a speaker, which I LOVE. I have 2 awesome kids whom I ADORE. I have a good job, great friends (some who even get solidarity tattoos), the most wonderful church family EVER, and to top it all off, I got Jesus. Jesus, who is my ever present Help, my best friend, my deepest love, my everything. I just plain enjoy Him.

Its not that my pain has subsided. It hasn't. But the miracle of God's grace in my life means that even on the dark, sad, terrible days I can still love to live. I can still love my life. Wild, wonderful, sad, heartbreaking, exciting, intense as it is, my life sometimes overwhelms me. But I still love it. Ya'll, that is a TOTAL GOD THING!


I only have one small complaint today. Dog poop. It's no secret I'm not a real animal lover. But I tolerate some animals. I don't own any myself, but some I tolerate mainly because they belong to people I love and so I deal with them in order to spend time with their people. I gotta tell ya, though, the roads in hell are paved with dog poop. It has to be true. That is the stinkiest, most disgusting, most irritating stuff I know of. It caused the loss of a pair of shoes tonight, shoes I really liked. Wonderful shoes, sacrificed on the altar of disgustingness because I couldn't deal with cleaning them off. Oh I tried. But the gag reflex just kept on coming. So I'm left bereft of one pair of shoes and in a quandry. Why, I ask. Why would anyone want to have dog poop as a significant part of his or her life? Or maybe they wouldn't. That could be why said poop ended up in the yard of a person like me who strives for a dog poop-free existence. Mystery of life, I tell ya.

That's all for my rant.

I really do love my life. Perhaps I'm in the eye of a storm. Maybe I'm experiencing a few moments of clarity in the middle of this chaotic week. Perhaps I'm fooling myself. Nevertheless I will enjoy this. The feeling and knowing that in spite of and in the middle of grief, my life is blessed. There is no reason for this, other than GRACE. That is why my whole being belongs to the Grace Giver. That and I'm pretty sure He doesn't own a dog! He's more of a cattle owner, I understand. Has a thousand hills of em I've heard...

Time for bed. G'night!