Well, I did it. I made it through another milestone. I turned 32 yesterday. It wasn't the happiest birthday I've ever had. Happy birthday seems like a mean joke this year. I've been dreading this birthday. How can one have a happy birthday when a person she loves and a person she thought loved her has walked away?
I'll tell you how.
She learns to redefine happy. She learns that even though life isn't what she had envisioned for herself, it doesn't have to be miserable. In fact, she lets herself open up to new ideas of what happiness is, and enjoy things she somehow missed before. She goes to the zoo with her kids, and lets herself notice how blue their eyes are, how perfect the weather is, and how fun it is to live in New Orleans. She goes to dinner with some of her favorite people in the world, and lets herself appreciate having just who she wants around her on that day. She lets herself laugh and lets herself eat a lovely piece of cheesecake. She finally, on her birthday, lets herself accept that a part of her has died, but a new part must now be born. She gets yellow roses and a heartfelt letter from a friend. She goes to sleep with her babies in her arms, peacefully knowing that the day she dreaded was a happy one after all.
That's how she--- I, had a broken and happy birthday.
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2 comments:
Happy birthday to you! I'm so amazed at how you're able to take these moments and find the joy in them. Redefining the fairytale can be fun when we finally let go.
Happy Birthday Becky. Just two days after my sister Becky's birthday...this year at least. So I'll probably forever remember your birthday.
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23
I'm glad your birthday fell into the category of an every morning.
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