Today

I wore a dress today. A cute little cotton number with tiny pink flowers all over it. Not normally my speed, I admit. But even if I AM on the verge of world domination, I'm still all woman. :) So a dress, I wore. And I liked it.

I laughed today. Mostly at my crazy self and my crazy friends. I laughed at home when my son said "Yes Lordy!" I laughed at work when my friend put on "I Feel Good" during the afternoon slump, and when an impromptu dance was done to "Shout." I laughed at church during LIVEChat. I always laugh during LIVEChat. And I liked it.

I stood alone with God today. Sure there were other people in the room. A whole choir in fact. But He and I were really alone, and I blessed His name, I sang Him a song. I let Him give me life. And I liked it.

I drank today. It was one of those HUGE sweet teas from McDonalds. Drank the whole thing down, with plenty of ice. And I liked it.

I wondered today. I wondered how long until I feel normal again. I wondered why my new mascara clumped like that and if the clump WAS the extreme lash. I wondered if I was going to pass out. I wondered if I should take some kind of medicine for that passing out feeling. I wondered if I let my toenail polish dry long enough last night, and if this no-chip nail color really wouldn't chip. I wondered why some people are ok with mediocrity and what would happen to me if I was.

I hoped today. I hoped the piece of chocolate cake I ate at dinner wouldn't make me fat. I hoped my kids come out ok and hoped they know I love them. I hoped God still gives me a career in ministry. I hoped I someday love again, and I hoped I take everything I'm learning now and love better because of it. I hoped I could get through the day. I hoped I will sleep well tonight. I hoped to see a friend I hadn't seen in a week, for no reason other than her presence is comforting. I hoped for a vacation. Alone. At the beach. I hoped. And I liked it.

I loved today. I loved my little boy when he was afraid. I wrapped my arms around him and loved him as best I could and cried because it wasn't enough. I loved my girl when she climbed into my lap and when she just WAS her sweet self. I felt deep, painful, heart's about to burst kind of love for those kids. And I liked it.

I thought today. I thought about my life and about my loss. I thought about my dreams and about what would happen if I said what I REALLY wanted to say to a grouchy caller at work. I thought about my kids and my mom. I thought about my future and my past. I told some people what I thought, and kept some of my thought to myself. And I liked it.

Just a regular day, being regular old silly, happy, sad, broken, strong, healing, hoping, loving, grouchy, crazy, sorry, bossy, loud, quiet, lonely, friendly, tired, passionate, me. AND I LIKED IT!!