Monday Medicine

Monday was good medicine for me. I had a very productive day. Kathy and I were able to square away all the financials, and accomplish several errands for the Spa Day Getaway conference this weekend. I'm getting excited about the day... and a little nervous! So much to accomplish this week, a final exam, polishing the messages for Saturday, making sure everything is in place as it should be.

But Monday. Ahhh... Monday is always a clean slate. A new week. Sunday is over (anyone in ministry will understand that statement) and it's time to begin again. And to have an extremely productive Monday, full of accomplishment, well... that's just about as good as it gets. So the high of productivity carries over to Tuesday... or maybe the high is from the Pine Sol I mopped my house with Sunday night. Either way, I'll take it!

Wanna know what's psycho about me? It's my personality pendulum of extremes. I'm my own worst enemy. I'm already spread a bit too thin. Perfect example being that even yesterday, my Magic Monday of Mind-Blowing Productivity, I didn't get everywhere I needed to be. I just couldn't get to everything and ended up letting people down in the midst of that. oooo.... Failure. God, I hate that feeling. So here I sit, rejoicing in the accomplishment and despising the failure. All at the same time. And yet, my mind swirls and whirls with ideas and shoulds and coulds and things I wanna do. Left unchecked, I tell you, I would probably run myself completely out of my mind.

Oh, I know I have to limit myself. This seems like a perfectly sensible answer. Say no. Set up boundaries. Make myself rest. Very nice ideas indeed. So here is my problem. (Ask my mom and dad and they'll tell you I was born with this problem) I HATE LIMITS! Tell me I can't, and I will say "Watch me!" Convince me to follow a rule and I will not only follow, but I will be the BEST at following it. Give me an obstacle and I will not only face it, I will beat it to a pulp and stomp it into the ground and cut off its head and do a victory parade David and Goliath style. And thank God for that fire, because without it my marriage would be dead and I'd be a single mom complacently selling insurance to tightwad pastors in Florida. Only drawback is that the limits I set just call out to me. "Defy me! Defy me!" they say. The fire just burns me up inside. And so sadly, I end up either high on accomplishment, or low on failure, feeling like I could tell everything and everyone to go to... well, you know.

So I find myself in Balance Boot Camp. Me and God, and somehow He is going to show me what I am supposed to do with this drive. How to use it properly and wisely without killing myself or ruining my kids or otherwise allowing it to run rampant and do damage to my life. Ya'll better pray.

-Becky