Lest you get the impression that my life is one long series of wonderful moments like my previous post, I'm gonna take the risk of posting today and let you in on the truth. Today I feel like hell. I can't stand anyone or anything, and I wish I could crawl back in bed and stay for an extended period of time if not forever. It's this dark, suffocating sensation that medical professionals like to call depression, I guess... or maybe just my life is suffocating me right now with it's chaotic pace and overloaded condition. I don't know, and I'm not sure I care. Today, I'm face down on the bare concrete of the bottom of my soul's foundation. I'm crumpled up in a heap, and I can feel the dirt on my face. Here's my hope: When I get to glimpse this bare foundation at the bottom, I see something. God's still there. He is all inside that bare concrete, all mixed up in my very foundation. I can't get lower than where He is. As the tears slip down my cheeks, I wish I could express to you the comfort of knowing that though I don't understand why God has chosen to keep me so well acquainted with the depths of despair, He doesn't spare Himself the experience by allowing me to do this alone.
Psalm 139:7 "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? 8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10 Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me."
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My dear friend. It hurts to hear your heart today. I'm glad that you shared, though. I think we pretend so hard that we're fine so often - I'm glad you're not pretending. It's nice to know what your foundation is made of, huh? What really sucks is that you have to find the bottom of your soul before you really know the truth.
WTA,
Christy
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