I must say that, as of late, my duties and responsibilities have so consumed my time, that my heart's voice has been somewhat muffled. Does this ever happen to you? You're just going about your business and something deep and profound just bubbles up out of you, unprovoked, at completely the wrong time. That happens to me a lot. I try to balance my inner life and my outer life - my temporal and my eternal. By balance, I mean that you could take the extremes that I wobble between and come up with a sane and normal average. So, I guess my roles have just elbowed their way to the front of the line and have kind of taken over. I've been kinda missing myself. I hope I can say that without sounding too schizo.
So, I just want to say thanks to a couple of friends who gave me a pause which helped me to remember to think today. I had a great time chatting with Becky today. We talked some about taking responsibility for mapping out one's own life. We talked some about listening to the voice of our Heavenly Father and not evaluating our reality by comparing it to someone else's reality. Also thanks to a high school friend, Tim, whose blog I faithfully read (http://bridges4christ.blogspot.com/). He posted, I guess, yesterday about grace. This has been something that I've been chewing on in my own life for a little while. I've talked a little bit here before about accepting the gift that God offers to us in the form of grace. I think that we perfectionists, we goody-two-shoes, try really hard to make it on our own. We punish ourselves severely for our mistakes (well, I know I do anyway), and try so hard to make all the right choices. But I think that this behavior actually rejects what God has offered to us. Imagine that! Rejecting a gift from God! Well, I have long since decided that I'd rather open the box and enjoy the present, if that's not carrying the metaphor too far!
So anyway, my brain has been trying really hard to reconcile those two moments of thought today. How do you take responsibility for your life without punishing yourself for the inevitable mistakes? Sheesh! I think they're connected somehow, these two conversations (well, I guess I didn't really converse with Tim, I just read his blog and subsequently posted an utterly mediocre comment). At any rate, this is not a desperate quest for answers, just a "hey - here's what I'm thinking about today" kind of a post.
I feel like I'm trying to push a stalled car here. The first push is always the hardest, but once you get it rolling, it gains momentum. My trains of thought are kinda stalled out right now. This is taking a lot of effort.
So, my friends, thanks for reminding me to think today!! I am enjoying it immensely. BTW, I promise I'm not as dense as I sound in this post.
DAILY BLISS: The discovery that I am not above Shrek Ogre Essence bubble bath. It sorta smelled like green apples, I guess. Desperate times, you know.
<3 Christy
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2 comments:
I just wanted to say that sometimes a stalled car just takes a little time of rest - letting the fluids that run the engine flow back to the belly of the vehicle - you know too much of a good thing stalls what takes you away.
I just wanted to say that sometimes a stalled car just takes a little time of rest - letting the fluids that run the engine flow back to the belly of the vehicle - you know too much of a good thing stalls what takes you away.
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