I know God's totally able to handle how I feel, even when I feel angry with Him. He totally is. But I'm not. He's my Rock. My Everything. And I hate feeling so mad with Him and questioning Him and feeling so disconnected. Of course, I know that the key word here is feeling. And feelings lie. Yeah yeah, I know all that. I know that this will pass and I will work it through and God will make me into something I never dreamed.
Yeah.
My pastor was reminding me this morning about how much God loves me. That He loves me the same all the time, when I feel connected to Him and when I don't. When I'm happy and when I'm sad. When I have success and when I have failure. I know all this is true. I just don't feel like it right now. So I cried. Then I came home and REALLY cried. Curled up in a ball on my floor cried. Then I made my kids some lunch, put them down for a nap, and went outside to watch the rain. Watching rain is excellent therapy, and by the time the kids were up from their rest, it was time to set down the sadness for a while and play.
And so we played. We ran and raced and got soaking wet in the rain. We jumped and splashed and played in puddles. The kids and I had a great time.
I don't know if it was the October-ish breezes that came with the storm, or the crazy fun of running around in the rain, or the laughter, but some of the heaviness is gone. Here's me all wet and able to smile. Who knew? A Depression helps depression. HA!
3 comments:
I like seeing your face.
And Fay had some of the same effects for me....so, I guess that's to say you're not alone. XOXO
I think two depressions automatically cancel each other out. Sounds like a great romp in the rain...we're getting a little Fay today I think. It's quite wet this morning.
Thanks for smiling for us.
I spent some time with Fay last week...two days in fact. She was fun for me too (even if the constant tornado warnings had me a bit scared).
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