It's Christmas Eve. Today there is a lump in my throat. I've been thinking back on where I was last Christmas, and how far I've come since then.
Last year I sat in a Christmas Eve service and wept while a pastor asked everyone to hug their spouses. I sat there abandoned and alone. This year there is someone my heart loves. Someone who loves my heart back.
Last year I had nothing to give my children. Some incredible saints from Riverside provided a nice Christmas for them. This year, though it wasn't much, I was able to play Santa myself.
Last year I was in a state of shock, reeling, and wondering what to do next. This year, I'm full of possibilities and new horizons, wondering what will happen next.
I'm reminded that I, all of us for that matter, are mere seconds, a devastating conversation, just one unwelcome revelation away from shattering grief. Last Christmas I was experiencing a shatter. This Christmas, I'm admiring the pieces that are coming back together.
But one thing remains the same. Last Christmas, even in my blinding grief, I celebrated the birth of the One who gives me hope. And this year is no different. I may be more whole, I may feel less pain, but I need Him no less, and cherish His coming just as intensely as ever.
Jesus is born! He was born for crazy, worthless, undeserving me. He never changes and that makes all the difference.
Merry Christmas!!!
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4 comments:
And Merry Christmas to you, friend! The Hope of the Ages has been born.
I love that sorrow brings to the surface what is really important and allows us to live in that even when the good is all around us. To have had the honor of "learning something" is truly a joy and a triumph. God is just amazing.
Merry Christmas :)
So beautifully written...as always! Your heart is so beautiful...how could anyone help but love it! :o)
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