Bring it On

OK, I've wallowed enough. I mean, really. What kind of enjoyment is there in allowing oneself to stay focused on the misery? None, that's what.

So for some reason this morning, I've decided to endure the slicing in half of my heart while standing up, eyes open. I have no choice but to go through this. So bring it on.

Last night was my last band rehearsal, and Sunday will be my last services at Riverside. I nearly can't bear to type that. It looks dreadful on the screen, and feels even more terrible inside me. But what overwhelms me truly at this moment is gratitude to have experienced, FINALLY, the kind of family that a church should really be. At Riverside, my life has been changed, for the better, in a hundred ways. I will never be the same because of that church. And so, even though I'll be physically separated from my framily, they are coming with me in the difference they've made in me as a person and in my children. Most people do not enjoy the privilege of experiencing what I have experienced here. I've been loved and accepted in spite of embarrassing suffering. I've been taught and I've taught people. I've been helped and I've helped people. I've had my place in a group of believers, a real, live, active, working, living body of Christ. I've been needed and I needed them. Even though leaving here is nearly killing me, I'd go through this pain a hundred times to get to experience the love, the laughter, and the authentic Christ-following I've experienced here. That, my friends, WILL be carried to Florida with me and dumped all over whomever dares to hang around me. So even though it hurts, even though my heart is in pieces, I've experienced authentic love here, and it's well, well, well worth it.

I deeply, desperately hope that you get to experience the kind of love that hurts this bad. It's what life is about. The pain is merely evidence of love's authenticity. My framily matters to me, and I to them. Everything that happened in me here matters. Real love, real life-change, real learning and growing and interacting with God happened here. May none of you ever go through life without knowing that kind of treasure.


Wow, it's hard to pull out blissful things these days. But, here are a few blisses of the last few days of my life:
the most amazing steak I've ever eaten, ever.
black coffee with cinnamon scones
a trip to the zoo
LOTS of hugs
and good sleep.