Fasten your seat belt. This one's a doozie!
Where are the good men? (I'm not talking necessarily about dating material here. Go with me...) I mean the warriors, the renegades. The REALLY great men. I only know a few of them. Like maybe three. And two of those wear Crocs, which is a serious problem in itself, but one for another blog another day. The other is my own father. Oh yeah, and my brother. That makes four.
I cannot BEGIN to explain to you how WEARY I am of guys who can't make a choice for themselves, can't determine their position and defend that position confidently. And then there are the others. You know the ones. The power hungry ones that think their boy-parts entitle them to some type of authority. They make decisions alright, but then feel it is their right to run over everyone else in the process.
Now, before you accuse me of man-hating, I'll have you know I adore men. I think they are fascinating, wonderful, incredible creatures. While I am egalitarian to the core, meaning I firmly believe in the equality of men and women before God and in every other way, I'm not stupid enough to think that because the sexes are equal, they are the same. They are very beautifully, wonderfully different. Thanks be to God.
As I'm moving from married to single, I'm sort of having to re-learn how to relate to men. It's frustrating. Some days I think if I have to spend one more minute of my life covering for a guy who has no idea what he is doing, I might simply explode. The egalitarian in me HATES that. I mean, if you're gonna do something, THEN DO IT for God's sake. Don't just stand there, waiting to make sure you will come out smelling like a rose. What kind of renegade is that?? None, that's what. And how is it possible for a female to embrace femininity if the fellas in the room are already cornering the market? GOOD GRIEF!!
I realize and will readily admit that my personality is ummm.... like 90 proof. It's strong. It can be intimidating to some. It's the best and the worst part of me. But it's me, and I don't apologize for that. As strong-willed as I am, I'm still a woman. And the woman in me hopes, wishes that the guys around me would get over being intimidated by a strong female or any female and just BE A MAN.
Man enough to respect a woman as his equal. Man enough to take care of a woman if she needs it, or to let a woman take care of him. Man enough to enjoy being a man. And man enough to let a woman be a woman.
See, what I think most guys don't realize is that women, even ones like me that have more assertive personalities, can't HELP but respond to a man who is confident in his own manhood. It's part of those wonderful differences. Because as strong as I am, (and if you'll forgive my saying so,) I know I'm strong. I'm parenting my children alone, supporting them and myself. I have three jobs. I have realized some of my dreams, had lots of them crushed, and I'm still dreaming. I've been humiliated and rejected more than once and I'm still living. My worst fears have come true and I'm still taking risks. I'm strong. But as strong as I am, I'm not a man.
I think there is womanly strong and manly strong. And I suppose what I find sorely lacking in my life at this moment is manly strong. My Daddy has it, so I know it's possible. But he's 1,000 miles away. I don't want or need a husband right now. I'm not talking about that. Just somehow it's more fun to be womanly strong when there is manly strong somewhere in the vicinity. There's room enough for both.
Oooo, I think I just let out a secret. I think I just told the world that the most incredible thing a man can do for a woman is be a man. Is that so difficult?
Evidently it is. So, why? Have we as women nagged and barked and whined until the men around us don't feel like they CAN be men? Have we expected men to be so much like us that we've lost the ability to let them be men? Have we, in the pursuit of making our equality a reality, lost confidence in the gift of womanhood, so much that we can't let men celebrate manhood?
Is it the church? I ask this because a lot of the men I know are church men. Have we somehow made it look like loving God isn't manly? I know that's not true, because my brother, one of the manliest men on earth, ever, loves God like crazy. But still maybe most guys feel they have to check their manhood at the church door. I wish they didn't. Especially for the sake of my son, I wish they didn't.
Is it society? Has the spirit of competition, the drive to get ahead in our society driven out our ability to celebrate the differences between men and women because we are too busy crushing anything that doesn't propagate our own agendas?
Is it me? I suppose experiencing the ultimate rejection has a way of causing me to question everything about who I am as a woman, and as I'm answering those questions, I'm also asking a lot of questions about men and what I hope for in a man.
Hmmmm... I know I can count on my girls to chime in on this one. Guys, consider this an invitation to contribute if you like.
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5 comments:
Clearly real men wear colorful squishy shoes. The church has promoted a sissy Jesus for a longtime. It's time the crocs brigade of renegades introduced men to the Savior who moves mountains. Then when you're ready to share your life there will be a guy standing there in comfortable lime green shoes with a tear in one eye and blood in the other, a Bible in one hand and your heart in the other. go get 'em girl!
Ah, point taken, Finch. Jesus DEFINITELY wasn't, couldn't have been a sissy.
Though I'd be MORE than happy to have a man who'd been under your training in the renegade area, the shoes are still a non-negotiable.
Tell ya what... you show em how to be a man, and I'll buy em some wingtips, ok?
Ha! Yeah....I have a problem with crocs on women and men alike. I'm egalitarian too :)
And, um, AMEN on the manly men thing. Maybe it's because I was raised around 'em, but that's how I like 'em. My Jesus wasn't sissy and I don't like my men that way either. And, um, I do like me some men.
I heard a theory recently about the way boys are raised. Boys used to go to work in the fields with their daddy's every day. They learned how to work and be a man by example. Now daddy's go to work, and mommy's and day care teachers (other women) are the main influence over boys. Women can raise manly men, but we need to be especially mindful of what the end result is supposed to look like. We tend to challenge them less and excuse them more. Men tend to encourage them to take risks and push them until they make it. That is hard for me, but I don't want to raise men who give up when the bills are too high or come crawling home when they can't get along with their wife.
My boys will not wear Crocs. My hope is that they will know what it means to be honest and have integrity and they will understand (firsthand if need be) II Thessalonians 3:10 that says if you won't work you shouldn't eat.
Be picky Becky. There are still a few real men out there. He's probably blogging about what he wants in a woman right now.
Oh boy, what a thinking post this one is! I'm in agreement about manly men. I like 'em that way, but I think most feminine yet strong women are like that.
With that said, I think there are so many factors contributing to this. I do believe the church is partially responsible. They've done a great job reminding women of their duty to submit and applied to areas of life beyond Paul's intended meaning. Then they've dropped the ball when it comes to training men.
Throw this into a world dead-set on making everyone equal. Too many people still believe the falacy that equality is found only when everyone is EXACTLY the same. Yet, the truth is that our differences is just what makes equality possible. Equality is all about balance. Public education is a glaring example of this.
My Jesus isn't sissy either. Following your convictions and destiny and standing up for what's right takes a tremendous amount of strength.
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