The Fine Line

Had I truly stopped to grasp what this week would entail, I probably would have run screaming. As it is, I've missed my chance. And so here I am, caught in the current of the crazy, with nothing to do but try to get a breath every once in a while. Perhaps next week, or the next, I'll descend from these white rapids into some stiller waters.

Know what I need? I need some handy helpers. Mickey Mouse has 'em. They're in his clubhouse. They do everything, all the cooking, cleaning, even answer the door for him. Whenever he needs something, a hand pops outta the wall and does it for him. Where is the justice in this? A rich bachelor mouse (you ever seen a ring on Minnie's finger?) has handy helpers, and a single mom who's bustin' her behind gets cramps and burned-out light bulbs and closet doors that fall off.

There are so many strong emotions vying for my attention right now. Many of them inflated by stress and fatigue, I'll admit. And so for now, they will have to wait their turn. Already this week, I've attended a baby's birth and helped with her first latch-on. (Nursing moms know what this is, and how stressful it can be.) I've moved a married couple in at work. I've attended a musical and a K4 graduation with my kids, easy for most people but this is my first time attending all of the end of school events alone. Well, not truly alone. My Riverside fam was with me, even had one of em at the school graduation. But you know what I mean. Alone as in not attached. I've gotten Mackenzie to her last dance class before the big show, and found her a pair of shoes for this weekend's wedding. Still to go, I've got to pull off Wednesday night, finish the work week that includes another move-in, get my hair cut and Levi's hair cut, learn a song, throw an inappropriate party, play for said wedding and hope Levi pulls off ring bearing duties. I also need to write some material for a denominational committee I'm on, answer about a hundred emails, and clean my toilets. So emotions will have to take a number.

That's the thing about emotions, though. Stubborn, spoiled little things. Sometimes they simply refuse to wait their turn. That's when you cry like an idiot at K4 graduations, and then spend half an hour in your car in the parking lot REALLY crying. That's when you hope and pray people aren't nice to you because you might start blubbering at their tenderness. That's when you hope and pray people aren't mean to you because you might start blubbering at their meanness. That's when you sit in church and all you can pray is "Please take me away. I don't care where. Just away. Now."

Ah well. I'll just have to keep my tissues handy, hang on for dear life and keep on going. I sneak those "away" moments in with God wherever I can. I keep moving forward, trying to enjoy every moment. I keep my emotions in line and give myself grace when I can't. And I'm my own handy helper... or handy hindrance. Or both.

In case any of you are doing some type of psychological study project, I'm confident you could really use this blog as a case study. It could be called "The Fine Line Between Victorious Living and Utter Insanity."

Walkin' it every day, baby.